Summer Doesn't Exist in Canada

Here it is, the end of August, and I am drinking hot chocolate out of a mug sporting the slogan "Let it Snow! - C'est l'Hiver!" (which, if you have any knowledge of French, you will know that the two don't actually mean the same thing) and leafing through the Sears Wishbook, which arrived this morning.

I only wish I were kidding.

I Feel Like Posting Again

For some reason, I am feeling really normal today. Not in a "normal for Lor" type way, but in a "regular average person" type way. I must be ill.

Anyway, I was just wandering around on the blogger bit of the google forums (which I don't contribute to, I just like to stalk), and I came across this:

My friend is also a "teen blogger" she's 16.
You can find her here : www.neonsquirrel.blogspot.com
I warn you she's a bit insane, but hilarious :) 

 This was posted by TheGinge, and it kind of just made my entire day. It warms my heart when people call me insane (and hilarious)!

Here are some old people and a fire hydrant. And such. I don't feel like explaining my reasoning behind posting this because... I don't have any. I just had a random moment. So ignore the bit above where I said I was feeling normal. I obviously didn't know what I was talking about.

EDIT: I felt really bad for Lonely Herbert after Ginge's impulse gerbil got a friend, so I created George Harrison. Its nice to be able to say I created George Harrison.

Sometimes I Like to be Adventurous

Yesterday, I met a bear. I fought it and won.

Then I met a fish. We really hit it off.

Next, I got up close and personal with a goose. I think he is very photogenic.

And I stalked someone’s dog. I actually took about a dozen photos of this dog. I think its ADORABLE.

I love being outside!

First Time Around, I Forgot a Title

GUESS WHAT! Lots of things, that is what!

First of all, The Ginge and I have decided that we are moving to London, England after we graduate College/ University. We are going to get a flat and live there together for a couple years. I'm super excited about this! Even though we won't be leaving for 6 years. But I can wait; I'm patient. HA! Yeah right.

Second, I just had poptarts. They were awesome.

Thirdly, OH MY GOSH! CHECK OUT THE LINK IN MY SIDEBAR! Sorry, lots of capitals. And you shouldn't actually check it out for a week, because nothing will be happening until then. But I will also give you a link here, just in case. Double Take is the name of mine and The Ginge's new blog, and it is basically going to be awesome. Really... creative. So on Sunday August 22nd, 2010, you should check it out. And then check it out every week beyond that, forever and ever.

That is all, my darlings. Stay tuned.........


EDIT: I totally lied. I didn't mean to, but The Ginge changed her mind on me. So you should actually check Double Take out on WEDNESDAY August 18th, 2010. So you can pretty much just start checking it out almost pretty much right away. <3

I Hate Mornings

Today, I had my second interview at Walmart. So I had to wake up really early. And get clean. So I rolled out of bed at the crack of dawn (okay, it was 9am), grabbed some towels, turned on the warm water and the radio, and hopped into the shower. Although, I did not actually hop, because that sounds dangerous and I would probably kill myself if I attempted it.

Anyway, after sudsing up my hair, I went to rinse it out. So I stood under the water and started rinsing. Then I did a dumb thing. I opened my eyes. Of course, as soon as the shampoo entered my eyes, I sneezed. And sneezed. And sneezed. And sneezed. Again and again and again. I must have sneezed twenty times.

My eyes, not having been rinsed out, started to protest. They did this by catching on fire. Okay, not really, but that’s what it felt like. So I rubbed them. This caused the mascara I was too dumb to remove before getting in the shower to attack my eyes as well.

At this point, I resigned myself to sitting in the tub, half under the stream of water, sneezing, listening to Sheryl Crow, and making funny faces in a pathetic attempt at trying to make the pain go away.

Just so you are aware, that is indeed Scarlett Johansson.

I am going to ask my mum to pick me up some L’Oreal Kids shampoo as soon as possible.

Eventually, everything was okay and I was on my way to Walmart. I got there, I sat down, I took out the identification they had asked me to bring, and the manager started talking to me.

Manager: Blah blah blah BACKGROUND CHECK blah blah blah SINCE YOU ARE 18+ blah blah blah!

Me: NO! I AM 16! SIIIXXXTEEEEEEEN!!!

Manager: Oh. Sorry, we have wasted your time this morning because SIXTEEN YEAR OLDS DON’T NEED BACKGROUND CHECKS! We’ll call you about a third interview soon. Goodbye.

And do you know what the worst part of the whole morning was? I had put on a pair of really ugly pants for nothing.

I am Novelty Underwear

You can take the quiz here.

You can also stop making fun of me, Ginge and Blonde One.

And on a Completely Unrelated Note…

If you search “willie nelson james bond ke$ha Sirius Black ninja” on Yahoo! search, there are 178 results. Just so you are aware. I really don’t know why there are so many, but if you add Chuck Norris to the mix, you don’t get any results.

And now, I would like to share a conversation I had this afternoon with my bestest blonde pal, who really isn’t blonde anymore (grr), but I can do nothing about that, so here it is.
 

Jane Blond says:
I’M BACK and I still haven’t eaten

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
I am still here... and I haven't eaten anything either. But I didn't WANT to eat anything either... however, I am thirsty, so I am going to put a Dr. Pepper in the freezer because my mother is too lazy to put them in the fridge. 
There, I now have to wait just 5 minutes for an icy cold Dr. Pepper

Jane Blond says:
haha

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
I kinda want to move to Iceland
Just to say that I live there

Jane Blond says:
Why? Oh. That's lame.
I don't want to move there. I kinda wish California didn't belong to the USA, then I would really want to move there.
Canada should steal it. Then we'd be awesome.

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
We can trade them for Nunavut. No one uses Nunavut anyway

Jane Blond says:
It would be the perfect country... Canada..... and CALIFORNIA  yeah. Nunavut is just kind of .... there.

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
Canafornia
I like it

Jane Blond says:
Or maybe just give them all the little islands in Nunavut because there is quite a lot.

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
Let’s do this.
Yes, they can have the islands

Jane Blond says:
It's perfect really. Then I can move there and not worry about terrorists because everyone loves Canada. And then I won’t have to actually like Obama.

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
Perfect! We should bring this up at the next meeting of parliament. We can just walk in and be like "WE WANT CALIFORNIA!"

Jane Blond says:
Haahhahaha. YESSS
That would be really rather great.

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
Alright. We can make a day trip out of it. Bring paper bag lunches and everything.

Jane Blond says:
mmkay
We need something to back us up. Like a lion trained to eat anyone that argues with us

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
Alright, where are we going to get one of them?

Jane Blond says:
The circus of course. And they should be on our side because they would love the idea. Owning California, the Canadian circus would have better places to travel to without being freezing all the time

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
That's true. I wonder if they have a toll free number...

Jane Blond says:
Maybe. I’m not sure. They might have banana phones; the circus I mean. We could go to the EX and ask them? They’re in town or whatever.... 

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
Seriously?! How did I not know about this! Oh my gosh! I HAVE TO GO SEE THE CIRCUS!

Jane Blond says:
I can’t actually go. Any money I have goes to my mom for paying for my flight to Seattle... The one time its actually NOT on the long weekend.... I still can’t go.
I’ve only been once. But whatever. It wasn’t that great.
I just like cotton candy

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
Oh. I don't want to go alone. Well, the next time there is a circus in town, we are going to see it. You don't get a say in the matter either. I will drag you there and pay for you if I have to. Like a date you don't want to be on. I'll dress up really nerdy too. And try to hold your hand. But my hand will be all sweaty and you'll be like "ewww" and try to escape. But I won't let you.

Jane Blond says:
ohkay.....?

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
Aren't you super glad you have friends like me?

Jane Blond says:
yup.

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
That makes me feel loved.
I almost feel like I should post this conversation on my blog...
IMMA DO IT!

Jane Blond says:
mmkay.

I Can’t Think of a Good Alias says:
I am going to edit it to make it more readable though, okay? Just so you know so you aren't like "MISQUOTE! I said i, not I! Stop capitalizing my words!"
And I am also going to give us cool nicknames. Like, "The Rug Doctor"
... or something better.

Jane Blond says:
Okay.
Something better sounds nice.


And then I got distracted by a website that teaches you how to speak with a Canadian accent. Which I obviously need. Even though I have been a Canadian for nearly 17 years, I don’t think I have quite mastered the accent. I want to get it down pat.


And now I feel like sharing links with you!
This is the blog of my blonde friend: T-REX!
Temporary Banana <—That is a really awesome website. It makes me chuckle. Lots. You should click that link. Yes, that one there. It has nothing to do with temporary bananas. As far as I know.
And now you can my face learn to speak with a Canadian accent by clicking on my face in the middle of this sentence.

I am NOT Good at Cleaning

Remember where I told you about how irregular I am?

And we discussed how you might find one post right after another?

Yes.

I don’t think I am ever going to find a husband. Not that I particularly need to be worrying about this yet, being 16 and all, but the fact remains:

NO ONE IS GOING TO WANT TO MARRY ME!

Husbands want their wives to be good at cleaning, right? I mean, that is why Prince Charming loved Cinderella, right? RIGHT? Well, I am not good at cleaning. At all. Remember my first post where I was “organizing”? And my second, where I was “unpacking”? Welcome to my third post, where I am curled up on half my bed because there is stuff on the end (“end” meaning “end and a good portion of the middle”). The more “cleaning” I do, the messier my room becomes.

I feel like a failure.

Summer = Superawesomefantastic-goosemegaprettydancegood

I know in my last/first post I complained about it being bored because it is summer, BUT I don't care what I say, summer is freaking awesome! Do you know what is so good about summer, reader(s)? I will tell you what is so amazing about summer. I have been wearing the same pajamas for three days straight now. THAT is what is so amazing.

Point granted, they are probably pretty smelly at this point, but I don't care about that because the only thing I have plans to do is sit around doing nothing! This is the reason I love summer.

Also, I found 5 kroner while unpacking boxes from moving four and a half months ago. This brings my life savings to a total of 5 kroner and 2 Canadian cents.*

*I am being dramatic. I have money saved for college. Don't worry, my future is not as dismal as I make it out to be.

Now, because I am obviously the biggest geek ever, I am going to show you what I did with my afternoon:

It isn’t actually finished yet, but you get the point. I am going to write a fan fiction to go with it (…eventually), so I will let you know when/if that comes into being.

Yes, I am a geek. Get over it. (:

Why I Should be a Famous Writer

Hi! My name is Lor, and since you are reading this, you have stumbled across my brand-new shiny blog. What is the purpose of this brand-new shiny blog, you ask? Well, you see, I have no clue. Except that my lovely friend The Ginge (yes, that is a link) has been bugging me to start a blog. But mostly, it is summer and I am incredibly bored. Therefore, I need a project to keep me entertained. Even therefore-ier, this blog has been born. Picture a real birth with lots of screaming and such. Or don't. You know, whatever works for you. Now, I would love to be able to say "Hey! You can check my blog for updates every 2.6 days because I consume lots of fibre, which makes me so regular that even my blog posts come regularly!". However, I know myself much too well to be able to say that with good conscience. The reality is, I don't have much of an attention span, but I also have an incredibly obsessive personality. It’s kind of like I have a superdisorder. Anyway, this means you may get four posts within an hour, and then have to wait four weeks for another. However, if you live for surprises and don't mind long periods of waiting - ugh, too many words. You know where I am going.


So, now that I have introduced myself, let’s get to the main dish. Oh dear, don't let me say that again. I assume you all took the time to read the title of this post, so I will not bore you with... words. As I was trying to organize the disaster which is my bedroom earlier, I came across a yellow school booklet. You know the ones where there is half a blank page for a picture and then some lines underneath for words? Yes. Well, this one had only one entry, and judging by my printing, I would place it at around grade four. This is what it said:


"You never know quite when an elephant's going to sit on you unless of course you order it too or your best freind dresses up as an elephant and says hi I'm going to sit on you. But unless you're best freind really is an elephant they would not be a real elephant they would just be a fake elephant."


Sadly, there was no picture.


Grammar/punctuation/run-on-sentences/spelling aside, I think that is some quality literature. Pulitzer prize material, don't you think?




P.S. You would not know this unless I told you, so I will tell you that in the middle of writing this post, I installed a cork board on my bedroom wall. I even put cute little flower push-pins on it. I think I am going to re-arrange my room once I can see the floor.


P.P.S. You think I am exaggerating about not being able to see the floor? Well, I am. I can see the floor where I have to have room to open my door enough to suck in and squeeze through. From there, I must leap over some books (and other things underneath, I am sure) to my bed because there is no other floor space. Add hoarding to my list of disorders.